i like stuff

I've been trying to make stuff lately, but I haven't taken any photos of anything.
I painted a stylized hedgehog,
an abstract tiny canvas or dashes of yellow & blue. 3"x3" I think.
another tiny canvas with some trees at Hwy 77, exit 88.
and a small watercolor of the moon over a lavender sky on the way back from the mountains last Friday.
all small things,
because that's how I roll.

Maria ora pro nobis

Today is the feast day of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary, and after communion, I almost cried listening to the cantor sing "Ave Maria." It is such a stirring song, so beautiful, so strong. It's simply the "Hail Mary" prayer sung in latin, but it's amazing to me. One of my mom's cousins sang it at my Grandma Dolores' funeral in 1993 and I just now, as I sit here typing, realized that was what the connection was. THAT was why I felt so moved... but the song is beautiful and amazing no matter what memory it holds.



>>I just realized I started this blog a year ago yesterday, and I only have 10 posts. It was supposed to be about my art, but life is art, I suppose, so I'll write about whatever comes to mind and if art makes its way in here, then it will.

oh, somehow a frog finds a pond

Yesterday, I:

-griped about my roommate and a new coworker at the pet store and about how both suck at life.
-slowed down my car, rolled down my window, asked a robin "hey what're you doin??" to get it to fly away.
-pulled a dead cat out of the road and between some bushes so it didnt get mangled by cars.
-cried about this dead cat, even moreso because it had a collar, and therefore an owner.
-had a spazz-out contest with a dog named Zephaniah.


Today, I:
-Helped host an ART birthday party at the studio today, which was a lot better than hosting a laser tag party or stupid crap like that.
-griped about my roommate and a new coworker at the pet store and about how i hate them and how both suck at life.
-got locked out of the house when I went to walk my dog (just up and down the street), and said roommate left, locking the door.
-giggled helplessly about an inside joke from FOUR YEARS AGO. "I'm looking at the living room!"
-laid on a couch with dogs named Gabriel & Zephaniah, reading a book I found about coexisting with the Earth and how everything that happens in nature affects nearly everything else, all while listening to jazz in the background.
-stopped my car to tell what I thought was a toad to get out of the street, but when I touched his head, he SPRANG into action, hitting my hands and legs and as I freaked out and jumped away and laughed hysterically, this FROG wobbly-hopped over to the other side of the road, and I thought about a good childrens' song that goes "somehow a frog finds a pond."


There are a lot of crappy things in my life that I want to get rid of, but there are some really pleasant, pleasing, and rewarding things in my life as well.

>>also, I helped my mother set up an etsy shop the other day. with literally two items so far. one from her, one from me: www.ashworthsart.etsy.com

If you really knew me

This week I have been reeling from a million emotions, mostly of the sad kind, and when I came to a halt outside my old apartment, my heart ached tremendously when I saw a light on inside.

Someone had moved in.Someone had moved into my old place, and it was no longer mine. They have no idea that they sleep in what used to be a green & pink bedroom, or maybe a dark teal room. They have no idea that I still know exactly where everything goes, that I left that sticker there on purpose, that I kissed those walls before I left, that their door number probably looks a little differently than others because I have the original.

I was just in my bedroom here, with my hands and my cheek against my green & pink canvas, eyes closed, pretending it was my painted bedroom instead. Tears came to my eyes when I thought of the mistake I made, of what I left behind, of the friendship that's scarred that may never heal.

Nobody ever asks me WHY I get so upset over the little things. It's never the little thing that's so upsetting, it's the violation of the bigger principle that I want others to live by. I've only found one person that I'm not related to that fully understands me and the principles I live by. And I failed to trust that person's advice when I made this mistake. Did she know something I could not see? Or did she just automatically know what was best for me? The deal was too sweet to pass up, but that sugar sure has turned sour. That green & pink canvas represents all that I left behind and all that I loved in that apartment: objects, memories, my two very best friends in the entire universe, and maybe a little bit of my identity.

If you really knew me, you'd know why the little things get to me, or want to know why. If you really knew me, you'd know that my heart is breaking.

but it's no Catalina Wine Mixer...

one day, ONE DAY!! something will happen and i'll get my act together. but until then, know this: teaching little kids how to make art is SO AMAZING and so amazingly rewarding! some of the kids i just want to put in my pocket and take home--it is quite ridiculous.

might--MIGHT!!--be teaching 4 afternoons instead of 3. but we shall be patient and see.

also: moving at the end of february. incredibly excited. the end.